the FUPress Blog

Quake.

I’m not from here.
I’m from the city of angels
You know L.A. – Los Angeles.
And I am an angel.
Yeah really.
An angel.

This guy told me – I saved him.
I saved a man.
Yeah I might get drunk or crazy later but I am an Angel.

You know L.A.
The Hollywood thing – it just so huge.
O.k. theres the beach and the sunshine buts its so crazy.
Guns and you’ve got to drive.
I mean I drive but not on the freeway.
So I have friends come and pick me up and we go out.
But like my friend he lives in an apartment.
Hes my best sort of friend.
He said he’ll take care of me.
If anything happens he says he’ll always take care of me.
Its like a cruising place.
Like my friend is gay and my mom comes round.
And all these guys are on the street cruising and my
Moms going “its nice here, I like it here”
and all the weirdos are out there.
My friend is gay so I guess theres always the aids thing.
Theres always that…

But then you have the Marilyn thing too.
Its so huge the Marilyn thing.
Can you see it?

They call it imminent signs of death.
Yeah really.
Its a sheet of paper and it like tells you what to look out for.
Imminent signs of death.
Like get educated so you know whats going on.
Imminent signs of death.
The guys going to die and everyone knows that
but its like … they’ve got to make sure you know.
When hes gone its kinda weird cos its aids there’s the family thing .
You know they don’t want to do anything
So its all his friends doing it – you know what he wanted.
A party at the beach and they had the ashes right there.
Its what he wanted but we’re drinking and this guys going
to scatter them in the ocean so he gets on this rock.
It sounds kinda wrong but its what he wanted.
Like a party and drinking beer and I don’t know, the wind or
something was wrong – so it really didn’t go in the ocean it sort
of got blown back.
UGH!
And theres a bit in my beer .
Yeah really its gone in my beer. I don’t know.

I am a good person.
I’m an angel but you know earthquakes happen.
You know the Santa Monica highway – the busiest highway in the world.
Its gone.
I mean its closed.
The busiest highway in America.
I missed it but everyone was frightened.
Like I was there for the riots and everyone was really frightened.
You know scared.
Its too extreme.
You know the ghetto thing and the Beverly Hills thing
and the riots and the quake ?
Quake is L.A.
Everyone is scared
Scared.
My friend was in the door just holding on.
Thats what they tell you to do.
Go in the doorway.
But they are all scared.
Everyones scared.
You know frightened.
Everyone is.
Everyone.

Can you believe it ?
I get pregnant but I don’t know.
I go with this guy.
A jerk.
You know a jerk?
It was over a Spaghetti House and then I go to Ireland and I’m sick
and I’m bleeding and I’m on holiday.
Holiday in Ireland.
It was creepy.
Like really creepy.
The doctor closes the door and sort of says
“are you going to take care of it?” ……. meaning you know an abortion.
But hes whispering
“are you going …..” OH CREEPY.
I just had to get out of there – but I had to wait.
I couldn’t change my ticket and I didn’t have money.
I just wanted to go do it.
And the whole country is full of kids.
I mean everywhere you look there’s children.
I’m trapped. Trapped.
They had a leaflet marked for
“ Irish women only”
So they could go to England.
What is this ?

What is it ? I get upset. I cry.
You know someone said they just can’t handle me.
You know….. I get a bit dark.
I don’t know – just get kinda weird.
This thing happened.
Another jerk – you know.
And I don’t know.
Do you want to hear this ?
Do you ?
Anyway I’m pregnant and he’s a jerk
and he wants to get the cheapest.
I mean this is in LA and it’s – I know free market I guess.
He wants the cheapest.
You know they shot one Florida.
The Doctor, they shot him.
But this guy is trying to save money on me.
Yeah really.
So he finds a guy.
The cheapest.
You know like a hundred bucks or something.
Oh God it hurt so much.
For days and days. I thought I’m going to die.
Right. Like I’m not really conscious – but I dream right.
Like there’s this lady smoking.
Anyway I didn’t die.
I didn’t die.

Look I’m here but I know it hurt the worst and I know I nearly went.
But you see it was March 4th the day I had it done.
Right you don’t forget these things.
You make the appointment.
It is in your diary and its in your head – next Wednesday April 14th.
Next Wednesday April 14th

Day and date.
Wednesday April 14th. Right so I’m going through some of my mums things.
Just seeing if she got anything like a broach or something.
I don’t know what I was doing.
But then I see this newspaper cutting.
Like a cutting from a small town paper in Oaklahoma.
Like my moms from Oaklahoma really.
The cutting is about a 22 year old woman who died after an illegal abortion.
Like can you imagine dying that way.
Like can you?
So thats my grand mom.
Thats my mothers mother.
Thats how my granny died.
Really.
Do you ?
Do you know ?
Do you ?
Day and date Wednesday April 14th
…… 1941.
I never even saw her..
But she smoked.

You know that is the darkest.
Passing on the pain.
Passing it onto your children.
That is the darkest.
I am an angel.

I am
An angel.